Monday: I forgot to do an assignment, but my teacher let me email it to him, so all was well there.
Tuesday: I made a funny icon for my twitter account. Here's the picture of it.
Thursday: Despite things being stressful on this day, things seemed to work out really well for me this day. For my journalism class, I didn't HAVE to attend, so I studied for my test that was for the next class, which wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be (THANK GOD), and then for a snack I had a salami and cheese sandwich, which sounds pathetic but it was actually amazing.
Friday: I went to Scarywood, a theme park that normally goes by Silverwood, but it transforms itself during Halloween time. It was super fun! Check out my new zombie boyfriend!
Saturday: I went out to an LGBTQ friendly bar with an awesome dance floor and danced to my heart's content.
Sunday: I helped edit someone's scholarship video. He told me that he and his family really liked it, which made me really happy because we can all be our own worst critic, so it was comforting knowing other people appreciates my work. Speaking of which, I've been putting up pictures on my photography tumblr, and 6 people liked/reblogged one of my pictures! This doesn't seem like a big deal, but I've been really doubting my skills recently and just to have only a couple people like and share my work really touched me. Sometimes it can seem like there are so many talented people out there and that I could never compare to them. But I think it's important to keep in mind that if you can have one person appreciate something that you've created, that's pretty awesome.
Like I said last post, I'm really trying to work on finishing things that I've started. Recently, I've been super invested in reading up on the Myer's Briggs Personality types. I'm the kind of person who loves taking Buzzfeed quizzes and learning about myself and reading the results and saying "wow! that's SO me!" So it comes to no surprise when I started digging around the good old Myers Briggs pages. For a while, I've been so conflicted with deciding between two personality types, and for some reason I NEEDED to know. These two types were basically both spot on, but just a couple details didn't really fit, and I felt lost. How could I not fit either perfectly?! I decided to go with ENFP, but just minus the detail that they're always late (because I am ALWAYS on time, and very very insistent on that). I decided to label myself as a "disciplined" ENFP.
I noticed, though, that I desperately was looking for a label, and was so frustrated when I didn't have one! I love taking Buzzfeed quizzes because they "tell me who I am", and this was no different. Once I DID identify with ENFP (finally, like honestly it took like weeks for me to do this), and read up as much as I could about it, I would notice things about myself that the description said. I would start to say to people, "oh yeah, I'm the kind of person who_____". But then I started to notice the flaws stated in the description. "ENFPs have a tendency to not finish things that they've started" oh god. That's me! Honestly, my family has told me this and I haven't ever done anything about it. But once it's written in words as part of my label, I wanted no part of it. I did not want this to be my downfall in my career! That's why I decided to make a change. It doesn't mean that my personality will change (although I've heard it's possible), it just means that I don't want to let my personal weaknesses have control over me.
I don't know why it's hard for me to follow through, but it just is. But I am working on it. Just this weekend I helped a kid make a video for his scholarship. And it was cool to just do it all right away and have it be done and successful. But the difference is that this was his idea, and I just executed it. That's way easier than having and creating an idea and following through. When you have your own idea, it becomes your baby, and you don't want anyone to tell you that your baby is worthless. I get scared of putting my ideas out there, so I make plans for them to happen, and then I don't for various reasons. Obviously this isn't going to be easy to get over, but it's a work in progress!
Going off of that, once I discovered my flaw, I decided to pile on a bunch of expectations for myself. I've been eating healthy, and that's awesome, but I decided that I wanted to turn it up a notch. I wanted to work out every weekday morning. Um. That's unrealistic, especially since I'd have to walk there, it'd be in the morning (a time when I'm the most lethargic and miserable), AND since winter is coming, I'd have to walk in the snow...to the gym. That's just not going to happen. I tried asking my sister to go with me, because I know for a fact I can motivate myself as long as others are there, but going by myself? Yeah, that's out of the question. I have discipline, but walking through the cold to go to the gym is just not even remotely motivating. So I've already set up myself for failure on that one (typical). The next one was to continue this blog. A long time commitment? Oh good. My favorite. I do want to continue this, though, as I think it will help me with my writing as well as just sorting out my thoughts all together. Who knows? This could be fun. My next goal was to finish the projects that I have pending and to not browse the internet or do anything pointlessly fun until they were done......well it's a good goal to have....I just, you know, gotta make it happen. Maybe now that I've written it here, it will happen.
It's just so frustrating because this past summer I told myself I was going to work a ton on projects and I just ended up working two jobs and going to summer classes. But now is the best time, more than ever, to just get creative. Why? Because "if not now, when?" (holla at my girl, Emma Watson).
I think that's a good place to end.
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